Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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