omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
