I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
