i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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