I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
