You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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