He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
