Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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