If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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