oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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