Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
