Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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