I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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