I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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