fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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