Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
