Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
