I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
