I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
