It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
