The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
