So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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