Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
