Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think your dad took our porno
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
