I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
