I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
