And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
