Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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