I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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