I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
