I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
