I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
