I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
