shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
