I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
