I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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