how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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