how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she pinky promised me she was 18
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
