Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
