I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My vagina is officially offended.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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