Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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