This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
