wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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