"it" just moved
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
