there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
