woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
