i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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