He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
