I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
