Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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