Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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