when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
