remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
